When You're Gone
by mmv-fanfiction
Summary: Damon & Elena were two love struck college students when they found out what's too good to be true, usually is. Damon realized he could never be the man she wanted him to be, so he left. He was broken & so was she. However, what Damon never realized was that a decision he made so many years ago would haunt him for all of eternity - although people die, you're love for them doesn't.
1. Intro

"When You're Gone" is the story between two college kids finding their way in the world, only to find that what's too good to be true, usually is. Damon loved Elena until that cold and rainy April morning. A day that should have been the best day of Damon's life instead made him realize he couldn't be the person that she wanted him to be. He could never look at her the same way again. He left Elena and started over, acting as if he never knew her, leaving her to pick up the pieces of their past and slowly rebuild her life with out him. However, what Damon didn't realize was that the decision he made many years ago would haunt him for the rest of his eternity - although people die, your love for them doesn't.

Character Breakdown:

Damon

Elena

Stefan

Caroline

Lexi

Tyler

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><p>Like many other stories I've written or had idea's for (whether or not posted on here), I get my inspiration from things that have happened either in my own personal life or through the lives of my friends and family. This story is dedicated to two people who are very special to me and he is who gave me the inspiration for it. This story will probably have the most emotion in it out of anything I have ever written, so get ready for a bumpy and tear-filled ride.<p> 


	2. How Did I Get Myself Here?

"Come on Elena, you could do this." He said in the calmest voice he could barely utter out of his mouth. "You got this." His nerves were taking over and his voice kept cracking. He was terrified and happy all at once. He was scared to see how the two of them would react once this was all said and done, if there would be a way to react at all. Hell, she was even scaring him because she went from being angry from the pain, to wanting nothing but for him to hold her. For as crazy as things were he wanted to climb into that hospital bed and hold her, he wanted to tell her that everything was going to be fine even if he didn't believe wasn't going to be. He reached over the side of the bed and brushed Elena's bangs from her eyes. He had to be strong, if not for himself, for her. "Just breathe. It will be all over soon."

"It hurts! She cried. "Make it stop!"

Damon looked at her and tried to keep a straight face, he didn't want her to see the disappointment and sadness that was written all over it. "Just close your eyes for a little while." He wanted to be her biggest supporter, but his fear was getting the best of him. He knew that this was never what he wanted for his life, not now, not ever given the circumstances, but it was and he couldn't do anything to change it. He looked at it as a mistake, and she was the one he brought down with her.

In those short 15 minutes Elena managed to stay quiet, the pain medication must have been working its way through her system. Damon sat nervously in the chair besides the bed thinking about the last year of his life. He was so young and things changed so quickly. He never imagined things would go the way they have. He thought he knew what he was going to do with his life and he had it all planned out. The girl he had always wanted was finally single and returned the interest he showed in her after 3 years, he was about to graduate college, the soccer team was undefeated this last season, and his family was closer than ever. It was all fine until the day that he met _her_. Elena Gilbert came into his life like a tornado – slowly with some warning, then all at once. She consumed him in every form of the word and he never fought back. Everything he thought was important before he met her didn't seem to matter as much anymore, and now he was finding himself full of regret. Deep down he loved her and it scared him half to death but what scared him even more is not knowing if they were going to come out of this alive, or at least if she would. He had made a decision that he wasn't proud of, but it had to be done. He managed to fall asleep after almost 20 hours of a sleepless day and night and he dreamt about the first day he met her.

* * *

><p>Damon strolled into the library as he always would on your average Tuesday morning, high fiving so many of his friends and getting congratulated by the desperate-to-talk-to-him soccer girl groupies that followed him around as if he were a puppy. He had the athletic skill every guy envied and looks that could kill. His smile was enough to make anyone weak in the knees and he was used to girls falling all over him, he didn't exactly mind. He had an hour to kill between classes so he walked to the corner where his favorite computer was only to see that it had been taken. He grunted and shook his head. He walked to the other side of the library to see if any computers were available and they weren't. He looked around to see if there was anyone in the library he knew and right before he was about to leave he spotted Lexi.<p>

"Hey!" he walked over to the table she was sitting at and grabbed a chair, not noticing the girl sitting next to Lexi.

"Hey I haven't seen you in a few days, where have you been?" She asked him as she stretched across the table to give him a hug. They were good friends who got along extremely well, but they weren't very close so a kind of half hug was a normal gesture for them.

"Oh you know, games, practice….."

"Parties." Lexi cut in.

Damon laughed. "Yeah, I was so hung over from Saturday that I was pretty sure I was still drunk on Sunday morning. I have no idea how we won that game." Damon saw a smile crack on the girl sitting next to Lexi out of the corner of his eye. "Since we did the fellas and I drank again on Saturday night and that resulted in me sleeping off my hangover yesterday… again."

Lexi was talking, but it was going in one ear and out the other. He was looking at her. Who was she? He never saw her before in his life, or so he thought. She had gorgeous, long brown hair and brown eyes that were so dark you could get lost in them. She wasn't wearing a lot of make-up, she had natural beauty that he admired. He hated girls who caked their make up on their faces. He was waiting for her to look up when he was brought back to reality by Lexi who smacked his hat off his head.

"Are you listening to a word I am saying?" Lexi stood with her arms crossed.

"No. Sorry, I was…thinking about something." Damon lied as he pushed his hair behind his ears and put his hat back on.

"Yeah, my ass you were thinking." Lexi laughed and sat back in her seat.

After a couple seconds of silence, he looked at her again and out of nowhere his normal, forward personality kicked in and he stretched out his hand and introduced himself. "Hi, I'm Damon." He flashed her his smile as she looked up, he waited for her to shake his hand. She didn't answer right away, she just stared at him until Lexi spoke up.

"Oh, sorry." She laughed. "This is my friend, Elena."

She laughed. Oh my god her laugh. It made him weak. It was the cutest thing he had ever heard come out of a girl. "I'm Elena Gilbert, it's nice to meet you Damon." She smiled and took his hand politely in return.

She and Lexi began talking about their school work which completely lost Damon, he wasn't the science type. They were both Biology majors with minors in Chemistry, both very bright girls. "I think I am going to head out. I'll talk to you later Lex. He smiled and gave a wave. "Goodbye Elena." He grabbed her hand and kissed the top of it and left the library. As he walked down the sidewalk around the building, he was able to see into the building through a window where Elena was in clear view. He watched her smile and laugh with Lexi through the window. Watching her be what he assumed was her being herself with her best friend made him awe-struck. She was beautiful. He realized he knew who she was, he's heard so much about her but he never met her. She had a boyfriend for over 5 years and she was finally single in her last year of college, she was starting to hang around and everyone knew who she was. He admired her from the window for only a short time before he was interrupted.

"Damon!"

Damon jumped. "Anna. You scared me." He left the front of the window and walked onto the sidewalk with her.

"I'm going back to my dorm are you coming? Vicki and I want to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight."

Damon rolled his eyes. "I was going to watch the game…. But yeah I guess so."

Anna started down the sidewalk toward her dorm and he took one look back into the window to see that she and Lexi were gone.

"Damon what the hell are you doing, come on!" Anna called back to him.

He turned around and walked toward Anna, grabbing her hand that was extended out towards him and they walked hand and hand back to her room to watch a show that he'd end up paying no attention to, his mind was elsewhere thinking of long brown hair and her laugh.

* * *

><p>"Damon?... Damon?" he felt someone gently rubbing his arm to wake him up. It was Lexi. "Hey there, how are you holding up?"<p>

Damon looked up to see Elena, still sound asleep in her bed and he looked at the clock. "I'm doing alright, I guess." He looked at Lexi with saddened eyes.

"Everything will be fine." Lexi stroked his arm. They knew one another before Elena, but now the two of them were almost like best friends as well. "The doctor will be coming in any minute so we don't have much time."

He didn't respond. He just shook his head in agreement. He looked back at Elena sleeping peacefully and back at Lexi. "I'm scared Lex, this changes everything."

"And if it doesn't?" She countered back at him.

"It does. It will."

Before she could get another word in Elena started to stir in her bed and started moaning in pain. "Ahhhhhh!" she started screaming once she was awake.

"You're going to be okay Elena, it's all going to be okay!" Lexi whispered in her ear and gripped her flailing hand tightly.

Damon grabbed onto the other and tried to keep himself from crying. Luckily the doctor walked in and gave her an inspection. He said a couple of things that Damon didn't catch, and then he left again.

"Lexi is Stefan out there?" Damon looked at his friend, wondering where his brother was through all of this.

"He has been out there since we all got the news. He and I flew here as fast as we could. Neither one of us has left yet."

"Can you sit with Elena for a few minutes? I need some air. I need to talk to my brother."

Lexi nodded and smiled. She let go of Elena's hand and waked around the side of the hospital bed and took her place in his seat. She grabbed back onto Elena's hand who wasn't making so much noise anymore. She was drifting back into a deep sleep.

"Thank you." Damon mouthed to her, not wanting to make a sound. Elena needed as much rest as she could get.

* * *

><p>Damon rushed out into the hall searching every waiting room for his brother. He was so frantic he passed Stefan by in the first room he looked in, the one closest to Elena's room. He paced back and forth once he saw Stefan hoping that he would wake up on his own, but he wasn't.<p>

"Stefan?" Damon shook his brother. "Stefan wake up."

Stefan opened his eyes and looked at his distraught brother. "What's the verdict?"

"Nothing yet. Not a single thing." Damon said to his brother who sat up on the couch he passed out laying in.

Damon sat down next to Stefan. He began biting his nails which was something he only did when he was really nervous or stressed out. "She'll be fine. Everything will be fine." Stefan tried to calm his brother down.

"No it's not. I'm not fine. I'm falling apart, Stefan." Tears began to well in the corners of his eyes. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can. You're just scared." Stefan tried to comfort his big brother.

"No. I can't do this. I've been thinking so much about this. This is going to change my life. I'm not ready for this Stefan." Damon's voice began to tremble. "I'm too young for this. I am 20 years old for Christ sake."

Stefan got closer to his brother and put his arm around his shoulders. "Everything will work out the way it's supposed to in the end."

"I'm going to lose her, Stefan." Damon let go, tears started rolling and he did everything he could to hold it together.

"You're not going to lose her."

"I am. It's over." Damon cried. "I thought so much about this Stefan don't you get it? I'm not cut out for this. I can't be that person, I just can't."

Stefan and Damon looked up at the sound of foot-steps. Caroline, one of Damon's closest friends rounded the corner of the hall. As soon as she came around the corner Damon jumped off the couch almost losing his over-sized sweatpants and hugged her. "I'm so glad you're here." He cried.

"I wouldn't miss being here for anything." Caroline kept her best friend in her arms and stroked his hair as he sniffled back more tears. Damon's back was to Stefan and mouthed to him "Did he talk to her?"

Stefan shook his head "no" back to Caroline. Caroline closed her eyes, unsure of what to say to her best friend whether she agreed with him or not, it was hard to take sides.

"DAMON!" Lexi came running down the hall way "DAMON?! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Damon let go of Caroline and began running down the hall in Lexi's direction.

"Damon they won't let me back into the room, just you." She said as she changed direction and walked at a swift pace back towards Elena's room. "Are you sure you can handle this?" She asked him.

He wiped his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and nodded. He entered the room to Elena who was crying out in tremendous pain and agony and sat back in the chair in which he resided for the last 21 hours at this hospital watching over Elena. He grabbed her hand and squeezed. When the doctor came back from behind the curtain. He made his way over to the bed and placed his hand on top of Damon's who was still gripping Elena's tightly.

The doctor began prepping everything. "Okay, Elena on the count of three. One… Two…. Three….." There was a long pause and the anticipation was killing Damon. The doctor's demands came immediately after.

"PUSH!"

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><p><strong>[ AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is chapter 1 of this story! This story is going to be my favorite. I have SOOOO many good ideas for it! I hope you guys like it as much as I know I will. I have so many big plans for this story. Chapter 2 will be up soon, however "Home Run" will also have another update in the mean time and that is what will most likely be up next! Chapter two for this will be up relatively quick after that because this story is going to be easy for me to bang out chapters in the beginning. Expect updates pretty quickly. However read &amp; review, if you have any questions you'd like to ask you can always PM me. Happy reading :) ] <strong>


	3. Unsure

"You know she's single now, right?" Stefan said, confronting his brother. "What are you waiting for?"

"I know Stefan. I'm not waiting; I just don't know how to go about this."

"What do you mean? When a boy likes a girl usually one…"

"Shut up." Damon cut him off. "It's not like that and you know it." Damon sighed, "I liked her when we first met and I always had a thing for her but she had a boyfriend so I backed off. I fucked around in the meantime and now she's single."

"And your point is?" Stefan said, hinting with the tone of his voice that he thought his brother was being ridiculous.

"My point is how do I act like my feelings never changed after being with different people?"

"I don't know, start hanging out with her again and prove to her they haven't like a normal person?" Stefan laughed; it wasn't something he saw too often, his brother being unsure of himself where girls were concerned.

Damon was sitting on the couch opposite Stefan and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like ages before he made a move. He grabbed his keys and his hat from the table in front of him and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked.

"To Anna's." Just like that the door slammed behind Damon and he was gone.

Stefan didn't say a word, he just laughed when the door closed at the impulsiveness that was his brother.

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><p>"Damon?" Elena said squeezing his hand. "Don't zone out on me now." She cried as she tried to hold back the sound of the pain in her voice.<p>

"Very good Elena. We'll try again in a couple of minutes." The doctor said placing her chart in the nook alongside her bed as he exited the room. Elena took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"You looked like you were in some kind of daze." She managed to get the sentence out in between breaths.

Damon snapped out of it and looked at her. "Just thinking, that's all." He smiled and rubbed his thumb across her soft hand. He didn't know why he was thinking about Anna, it had to be the stress and anxiety he was feeling being in the moment. Before Elena, he thought Anna was everything he had ever wanted. Until he got to know her well enough that is. On the outside, Anna was the most kind and generous girl, but on the inside she was the most superficial, materialistic, and self-centered person he had ever met. Meeting Elena was the best thing that ever happened to him and he knew it, but at the same time it quickly became the worst. Anna tamed him, made him act less impulsively, everyday became the same because it was always about her. With her things became simpler than they already were for him, she was simple in a sense that she did have the luxuries Elena did. Elena's way of life was so different than anything he was ever used to. She was fortunate and to put it simply, he wasn't. But once he met Elena, things were always an adventure, very spontaneous. She was never afraid to try anything new which sparked a fire in Damon. Elena came off as one of the most strong and confident girls, somewhat spoiled, but had a heart the size of the world made entirely of 24 carat gold. Elena made him question everything and gave him a new outlook on so many different things in life but at the same time accepted him for exactly who he was and respected his views which was something Anna didn't know how to do. However 9 months ago that all changed. Slowly he began to doubt his feelings for her, for everything. The worst parts of him had come out even though he had hid them well from her. One day he was fine, and the next he was secretly blaming her for everything that had gone wrong with his life since they had met. They weren't together long enough for this to be even remotely okay. He began to question everything and it scared the shit out of him. He either had to make a decision and live with it, or risk losing it all - including her. He realized that even good things come to an end eventually.

"How are you holding up?" He asked her with sad eyes. His nerves were in shambles, his body felt like what he imagined an earthquake to be like.

She didn't answer right away. She looked down at her huge, swollen belly that was once lined with 6 pack abs and as flat as a pancake before looking back at him. "I'm scared" she said. "In a matter of minutes everything is going to change."

Damon tried to be strong for her when in reality all he wanted to do was sink to the ground and cry. In an instant, hearing her say those words made him feel incredibly selfish for some of the things he had been thinking, for some of the things he had done. He thought about some of his earliest thoughts back to when he had first found out. _This is going to ruin the reputation I worked so hard to build. I'll never be able to look at any of my team mates again, let alone play soccer. What are my parents going to say, they are going to disown me._ _What's going to happen to her? She is so out of my league what the fuck was I thinking? _And then there was the thought that had haunted him the most. _Why don't you consider getting an abortion_? The simple memory of him suggesting that made him sick. What was even worse was that even though it went against everything he was raised to believe, a part of him still wished she agreed.

"It will." Damon wiped a piece of hair off of Elena's face. He looked at her who was staring back at him, deeply into his eyes. The fear was written all over her face. "We'll get through it." He forced a smile, knowing that he didn't know how they were going to get through this at all. He couldn't help the fact that no matter how much he knew it would destroy her, he didn't really want this baby.

In the beginning once the reality of it all set in and the shock wore off, he was all for it and did the best he could offering support to Elena through it all. Both of their parents came around and after some time they became excited. However in the last few weeks, he made the decision that he had to tell her. He knew deep down that this isn't what he wanted and he couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't convince himself this is what he wanted no matter how hard he tried. He was only 20 years old, he had his entire life ahead of him to fuck up and make bad decisions. He didn't think he would have to give all of that up this young. No more college parties, no more drinking until he passed out, no more girls falling all over him like he was so used to-even though Elena was always attached to him at the hip, hell who knew if either one of them would even make it to graduation. He wanted children and to get married someday, sure, but not before he himself was ready to grow up. The only people that knew his true thoughts were Stefan, obviously, and Caroline and that made him feel all the more guilty. The one person who he was supposed to share all of his thoughts and feelings from was the same person he was hiding the biggest secret of his life from.

Sweat was pooling at his brow, he felt his temperature rising and falling over and over again. The sensation of nausea overtook him more times than he could count. He was seconds short of having another monumental panic attack similar to the one he had when he had found Stefan only a few short minutes ago which to him felt like centuries. Ironic, Elena was the one telling him to breathe. Wasn't that her job for now? His emotions were equivalent to a roller coaster in that moment. One minute he was over joyed and excited to be a dad which he kept bottled up deep inside and the next knew he didn't want to go through with this at all. Yet through all her pain and worry, Elena was focusing her energy on making sure he was the one who was okay.

_I am a terrible boyfriend. Who am I kidding?_ The thought crossed his mind. _I'm a horrible person and I'd make an even worse dad._

It was now or never. He had to do it. "Elena…." He paused. "Look, I need to tell you som…." Damon was interrupted by the swing of the door and the entrance of the doctor into the room.

"Okay Elena, the nurse is going to remove the epidural now. Its game time."

Elena leaned forward on the bed while the nurse removed the needle from her back. She gripped Damon's hand tightly and squeezed her eyes shut.

"You are going to start feeling the pain of the contractions in a few short minutes. Get ready, okay?"

Before the doctor could finish gloving up, out came a loud, painful, moan from Elena.

"Are YOU ready?" The doctor looked at Damon, somewhat sympathetically obviously seeing the washed out, colorless, fear stricken look on his face.

"Yes." Damon replied hoarsely before clearing his throat, "Yes I am." _No I'm not _his mind answered silently.

"Good. Let's meet your little girl then."

* * *

><p>Through the screeching cries, moans, flowing tears, and faces that Damon had never knew the human face was capable of making, Elena was doing great.<p>

"AHHHHHHHHH" Elena cried.

"You're doing so well, keep pushing. I can almost see the head!" The chipper blonde nurse chimed in.

"We're going to count to 10, when I say go, push as hard as you can and when I get to 10 you can take a break." The doctor assured her that after this, she'd only have to push once more. Baby Salvatore would be here, she'd be real.

Elena looked at Damon who was gripping her hand tight. When the pain got to strong, he did his best to let her use him as an outlet. Damon looked up, able to see the silhouette of a person just outside the birthing suit door. He wondered who was out there waiting, if anyone else showed up that would be equally disappointed in him as Elena would be. He would be letting more than just her down when he came clean about his wishes.

Damon's thought process was broken when he heard the doctor begin his count to 10, Elena's face turned as red as a tomato as she sucked in her breath and gave it all she had. The doctor's count stopped at 10 and Elena took a sharp breath.

"Get it out. Oh my god, please. Get it out!" she cried in agony.

The nurse tapped Damon on the shoulder making him jump. "Sorry!" She laughed apologetically. "Would you like to come around and see? She has your hair."

Damon looked at her like a deer in headlights before he mustered up whatever syllables of an affirmative answer he could.

Damon stood up and had to steady himself on the bed rail. _How bad could it be, I've watched countless videos with Elena I know what to expect._ He took a few slow steps to the front of the bed and exhaled, long and controlled before opening his eyes. When he did, his heart began to race and a deep and instantaneous sleepiness overtook him, allowing him to find temporary peace of mind on the cold tile floor.

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><p><strong>[AUTHOR'S NOTE:<strong> **Again, I am so sorry these are taking so long. I apologize so much and I am so thankful for those of you who bare with me. I just got a new job and it's been taking a lot of my time. Especially because I am working second shift. BUT what do you guys think so far? I cant express how excited I am for this story because it means a lot to me. What do you think is going to happen in the development of both Damon and Elena's characters? What would you like to see happen. I have so much planned for this story and I think its going to be amazing by the time it is finished. I have a lot of time off in between December 18th and January 4th, so there will be numerous updates! HAPPY READING!]**


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